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We believe there is no cure for addiction, and that dealing with it is so difficult because in order to function better, you simply have to change your personality." That's a big ask for any organisation, especially one that denies being such a thing.

No official stats exist on SLAA but, from what I've been told, the meetings seem to be representative of society as a whole, serving all socio-economic backgrounds, genders and sexual preferences.

They may speed through sequential relationships, struggling to experience feelings of self-esteem when alone (damaged self perceptions can lead a person to think that they are only worth something if someone loves /wants them).

They often struggle to determine what they want or who they are, and instead of searching for this they abandon themselves, electing instead to only have an identity in relation to being wanted by another person.

“For an alcoholic,” my SLAA contact explains, “alcohol is not the problem, daily life is; the person feels uncomfortable already, there is an underlying inadequacy, depression, anxiety." As with any addiction, the addiction to love and sex serves as an escape from those intolerable aspects of reality.

Sexual promiscuity serves to hide an avoidance of intimacy.

In place of intimacy you'll often find obsessive behaviours and risk taking, fear, confusion, paranoia of abandonment, and abandonment of self-interest.

SLAA argue that intimacy and sexual disorders are a starvation of true human connections.

Creatures of pattern and habit as humans are, this deprivation becomes destructively addictive, but the addiction is just a symptom.

"Most attendees are single because the addiction renders them so," my contact says.

"As with all addictions, people develop withdrawal symptoms from sex and love, they get moody and angry if they don't get a fix." It seems that until the cognitive personality-overhaul is complete, in order to be sober they must be single.

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