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And it was in that charade, not in your romance itself, where you truly did her wrong.And when you stop the charade and tell her the truth, that won’t be a selfish act so much as an honest, courageous one.Some people might even say it’s the only decent thing to do.How do you know that a garden variety friendship has turned into something romantic? It can be hard to tell — one minute you're dishing with your BFF about spin class and your love of frozen yogurt, the next minute you're wondering if your pal is about to lean across the couch and kiss you.I was FWB with this guy, and everything was going swimmingly.

So, with that in mind, here’s my suggestion to you: Take your friend aside, and tell her that you’re sorry for her unhappiness, and that you came by this relationship honestly and with no intention of hurting her—but that she’s right, you love him, and you were wrong to try to hide that truth from her or treat her like she couldn’t handle it.

I’ve taken the coward’s route and started to just hang out with him when she’s not there. He has apologized, and, for my part, I forgive him.

She’s a really good person, she had him first, and she is still upset about it, so I feel really being with him would violate the “decent human being” code. Am I allowed to be selfish, or have I been selfish enough as is? Because when it comes to figuring out the conundrum you’re facing, Auntie Spark Notes couldn’t care less about whether or not you’re “allowed” to be selfish.

And when something like that happens, it is perfectly acceptable to react by crying in the privacy of your bedroom, wearing the same ratty sweatpants for three days straight, and gorging on pizza-flavored Combos while binge-watching Buffy on Netflix.

It is not acceptable, however, to sulk, whine, glare, sling accusations of dishonesty, and generally make life so miserable for an otherwise happy couple that they have to take their relationship underground. And with that in mind, I don’t think the problem is with you, or your relationship, or your general level of decency.

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